Transition from college to a young working adult wasn’t the best phrase of my life, a year back my aunt convinced me that things will fall into place.
Well a year has passed but I am in deeper darkness than a year back! Guess that’s how adulthood is, there is neverending hope which will never see the light of the day. If you ask and hear what my troubles are, you will probably laugh on my face.
But it’s my mental sickness and everyone reacts differently to a particular situation and no one except you know how it feels. I am a master of suppressing feeling and always having a bright smile on my baby like face.
A casual comment from my senior colleague triggered my emotions and I did a small MIA from office hoping not to create a scene, rather not to look weak in front of my colleagues.
I came back after an hour or so after having my alone time. I wanted to go back home being assured that my day wouldn’t be productive at all, but leaving my phone, wallet and all other things in office forced me to find my way back to office.
When I pulled my MIA I slipped out very quietly so I expected everyone to be going about doing what they always do. But I wasn’t so graceful as expected, I had to face my colleague, explain that he did not hurt me in any way but it just triggered my suppressed emotions, all this when I bursted out crying, wailing like a baby and sniffing. After a brief counseling session from him he refused to let me go home saying my mental pressure would grow rather than vanishing, I releculantly gave in.
But our office is small and people noticed me crying, not for gossip but out of genuine care they asked what was bothering me. After two more outbursts I finally calmed down and assured everyone I was okay.
Though nothing has changed and things are still the same, over the past one year things haven’t got better but the one valuable thing I will never lose is the people I work with.
That day everyone kept tab of me. One colleague offered to take me shopping, one offered to get whatever I felt like eating, one wanted to help to sort things out, one who knew something was wrong but never wanted to breach my privacy made jokes just to make me laugh.
What they all did not realise was no amount of the materialism they offered to buy brought me peace but the simple fact that they were the shoulders for me to cry on and the warm hands holding me was what mattered to me the most.
I am grateful to have a boss who always listen even when he has a deadline knife hanging over his head, colleagues who cares and holds me like a baby and never judges my strength.
I lie awake most of the nights not wanting to connect to anyone wondering why I am so messed up. I never get an answer.
What’s my point in writing this post? Nothing actually. I’m just happy to be around my workplace people. Colleagues who turned out to be family. We do have our ego clashes and hair pulling events but we have managed so far to stick together.
P.s. Words are like swords and you never know when it would cut a person.
I sincerely hope life is kind to you.